Many Are Called. Few Succeed. Manchester United: Beyond the Promised Land

Ashley Cole's Secret

For those who dont get the phone up the arse references in the song, its been rumoured that Ashley, Jenas and Sol Campbell used to have parties where they allegedly stuck mobile phones up each others shiteholes and then rang each other with the phones set on vibrate.

Tackled By The Red Devil at 12:57 PM,
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The Best Way to Hit Out At A Linesman

After a dodgy offside decision which didnt go in your favour.

... jab him in the crotch and walk away.

Thats what Joel Griffiths who plays for Newcastle Jets in Australia's A League did anyway and the best part is he got away with a yellow card, even after after the referee conferred with the assaulted linesman. Having said that it obviously didnt warrant a red card, cause he did afterall get to the ball first. Lol.

Tackled By The Red Devil at 12:29 PM,
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Rafe Benitez's Rotation Policy

How can Fernando Torres be dropped for a Premier League game and then play in a virtually meaningless Carling Cup game?

When does John Arne Riise play in defence and when in midfield?

What is the point of Jermaine Pennant?

All is revealed in a secret equation discovered by Eurosport's inside hobo, who found a scrap of paper while rooting through the Anfield bins for cast-off Rolexes and Armani shirts.

The formula is based on the Schrodinger Equation in quantum physics - read on for an explanation of what it all means.

Si - (K+6) x Et(-G) = PiR²/12.45 + (Vp-J) B/A³

Si = Ability to speak Spanish

K = Kiss-and-tell expose in tabloids

6 = Player over six feet in height

E = Good engine

t = Solid performance in training

-G = Inverse of goals scored in last game

Pi = Carrying excess weight

R = Unprovoked rant at Premier League officials

12.45 = Saturday lunchtime kick-off

Vp = Confluence of Venus and Pluto in Capricorn

5I = Karaoke/Golf club incident

B = Goatee beard

A = Player is Alvaro Arbeloa

Nicked Off Yahoo Sport

Tackled By The Red Devil at 12:21 PM,
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The United-Liverpool Rivalry Explained

I've had a couple of mates, both united fans and non united fans alike asking me why i loathe scousers as much as i do, so here's a list i've compiled which really should explain exactly why i bash scousers as much as i do on this site. For the United faithful who do not share my hatred for the scouse bastards, perhaps u'll change ur minds after reading this post.

Remember ALL of Anfield singing Munich songs.
Remember the fucking Kop and their aeroplane gestures.
Remember the Munich 58 banner on the Kop
Remember Maine Road 85 and what was at stake.
Remember that we stopped them doing the "Impossible" Treble
Remember ALL those flags mocking Munich at Heysel in 85 .
Remember 39 dead Italians and how they tried to blame everyone but their fuckin selfs

Remember the bastards throwing CS Gas at our players at Anfield.
Remember that utter bitter cunt Kenny Dalglish
Remember Anfield 1992 and how you felt after Rush scored
Remember the 3-3 draw in 1994 and how it felt like a defeat
Remember the cunt spitting on Eric the King as he went to lift The FA Cup
Remember the cunt, Robbie Fowler and his four finger salute every time he scored against us
Remember that giant FC Bayern München flag at Anfield in 1999
Remember Paul Ince (and all of Anfield) thinking he had denied us the Title
Remember losing Five on the trot against them from 2000-2002, both home and away.
Remember The BBC hailing their plastic treble as some sort of achievement
Remember them breaking the silence in honour of Georgie Best
Remember scousers complaining that Sir Matt Busby only got knighted because he survived the disaster
Remember Alan Smiths ambulance getting blocked by scousers.
Remember how you felt on 25 May 2005

Just putting that post together's made my blood boil. What i sure could use right now is some scouse bashing in the form of anti scouse picts.

Thats made me feel so much better.

Tackled By The Red Devil at 11:17 AM,
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Ever Wondered Why A Clean Shaven Pussy's Called a Brazilian?

Here's not one, but two reasons why. For those who missed out on Dida's dive during Milan's loss to Celtic, now better known as the worst bit of play acting and simulation thats ever graced any football pitch the world, here's a reminder. Least the cunt's got a 2 match ban for his efforts.

Doesnt it just bring back memories of another brazlian cunt, Rivaldo doing pretty much the same against the Turks in the 2002 world cup in japan, albeit with a tad more class(least he fell over instantaneously) when compared to Dida's?

So there u have it, I now understand why a delicately shaved pussy is called a Brazilian.

Tackled By The Red Devil at 10:56 AM,
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Chin Up Moaninho

Fuckin class. Happened during the Chelski game where the cunts failed to beat our youngsters. Aside from watching Obi Mikel applaud our boys out onto the pitch at the Bridge, this certainly made my morning. Here's a couple of other vids where the whingin cunt gets owned.

Sing it with me now.

Moaninho on the WWE

Chelski Parody

Tackled By The Red Devil at 7:40 PM,
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City 0:1 United

Inside the council house, we won the football league again... inside the council house...inside the council house...

Sing it with me now.

Tackled By The Red Devil at 1:41 PM,
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Chelski 0:0 United

Tackled By The Red Devil at 12:46 PM,
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We All Hate Leeds Scum

The scum have fallen yet again. Off they go down to the third division. What do the championship and cordless electronic devices have in common? No fuckin leeds! Heh. Here's a couple of vids to further compel Leed's misery.

Now listen to the United fans dish it out.

"Wise, Wise, wherever you may be
You've taken Leeds to Division Three,
You'll never win a cup, and you'll never win a shield,
And your biggest game is Huddersfield."

Tackled By The Red Devil at 7:42 PM,
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Congratulations, Keano!

I couldnt possibly be any happier for the man, proving his critics wrong time and again. Fuckin legend! Keano in the premiership, i cant hardly wait to see him getting in Mourinho's face. I suppose the countdowns begun then to the day Keano takes fergies place at United. Also, congratulations go out to Brucey from bringing his birmingham side back up once again. Well done.

Oh Keano's f*ckin' magic,
He wears a magic hat,
And when he saw Old Trafford,
He said I fancy that,
He didn't sign for Arsenal,
Or Blackburn 'coz they're sh*te,
He signed for Man United,
'Coz they're f*cking dynamite.

There's only one Keano!

Tackled By The Red Devil at 7:26 PM,
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British Sign Language

A handy tutorial on how to insult, flirt, swear and make sexual references in British sign language.

Tackled By The Red Devil at 7:15 PM,
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United 4:2 Everton

Once a Blue, Always a Red.

What a cracking game that was. 2-0 down away from home looking all but dead and burried, we fuckin claw our way back into the game and eventually run out comfortable winners. One of our best ever comebacks, tho i'd still rank it 2nd to the 5-3 comeback win at white heart lane years ago. You gotta love Rooney for showing us exactly where his allegience lies, time and again after playin em scousers. Loved how he kissed the United badge right in front of them cunts. Oh and whats there to say bout dear ol' Philip Neville. I think he pretty much let his football do all the talking. Any chance of us appealing for an extra premiership medal for Philip for his contributions to our season? Lol.

Phillip Neville is a red,

is a red, is a red,

Phillip Neville is a red,

he hates scousers!

And here's the rest of the picts from the game.

Lets now spend a good few minutes laughing at the fuckin rent boys and their soddin fans. I really do wonder how many of em would be supporting different clubs come next season. Twats.

Oh and you gotta fuckin love Big Sam, putting off his retirement to after nicking a couple of points of the rent boys. Its not the first time he's actually helped us in our title chase, i vaguely remember his Bolton team getting something outta of their game against the arse back in 2003.

Tackled By The Red Devil at 6:28 PM,
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One For The Ladies

So i've finally decided to give in to popular demand. Female readers....rejoice.

Tackled By The Red Devil at 7:39 PM,
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United 3:2 AC Milan - Highlights, Interviews & Analysis

Goals

Post Match Interviews & Analysis

Compilation

Tackled By The Red Devil at 7:34 PM,
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United 3:2 AC Milan - The Pictures

What a night. What a game of football. Man of the match honours have got to be split between Rooney and Fletch. Rooney for 2 superbly taken goals, with the second coming right at the death keeping our European dreams alive. Fletch was absolutely immense especially in the 2nd half. What a season he's having aiye? First Gerrad, then Makalele, then De Rossi and now Gattuso. They all got Fletch-ed alrite.

Tackled By The Red Devil at 1:42 PM,
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Jessica Simpson Almost Almost Slips a Nip

Well, someone's being a major cocktease. This has gotta go down in history as the closest we've ever come to not getting a celebrity nip slip. Here's the vid if anyone's interested.

Im baffled. How could the nipple just not pop up?

Tackled By The Red Devil at 9:59 PM,
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T.I.O.T's Top 10 Hottest Babes of Superhero Movies

Kelly Hu as Lady Deathstrike (X Men)

Rebecca Romjin Stamos as Mystique (X Men)

Jessica Alba as Sue Storm (Fantastic Four)

Alicia Silverstone as Batgirl (Batman & Robin)

Halle Berry as Catwoman (Catwoman)

Famke Janssen as Jean Grey (X Men)

Eva Mendez as Roxanne Simpson (Ghostrider)

Jenifer Garner as Elektra (Daredevil)

Katie Holmes as Rachel Dawes (Batman Begins)

Peta Wilson as Mina Harker (The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen)

I ought to add that they're arranged in no particular order. Oh and in light of the upcoming Spidey flick, i figured i ought to add Kirsten Dunst to the mix even tho she didnt make my top 10.

Kirsten Dunst as Mary Jane (Spiderman)

Tackled By The Red Devil at 4:32 PM,
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P-Fed?

Well, i certainly didnt see this one coming but hey i'm definitely gonna be rooting for em 2. Lol. They're gonna make some pretty daft babies, i'd imagine. A negative IQ on the cards, perhaps?

Tackled By The Red Devil at 4:23 PM,
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Shyamali Malakar's Tits Kept Sanjaya in Idol

Its been a while since i've seen such buoyancy, refreshing indeed. So refreshing, that its almost hypnotic. Lol. For everyone who was as baffled and perplexed as me to Sanjaya's continued progress (which came to an end a week ago) on Idol, i suppose everyone just wanted them puppies to get more airtime, which makes all the sense in the world, then dont it? She also periodically released a couple of semi scandalous pictures on the net to add on to the appeal her buoyant tits brought about.

A pity, her tits couldnt carry sanjaya all the way. Nonetheless, you've gotta love such supportive sisters. On another note, will we ever get relatively booby chicks working at the hooters joint in S'pore? All i've ever seen are Filipino/Chinese imports who sport bootyless airstrip's.

Tackled By The Red Devil at 3:21 PM,
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Britney Spears - Getting The Skank On

Well, ill be damned. Someone's definitely been secretly working out in rehab, sheddin all that excess baggage she's been carryin. Well its either that or she's got herself a massive lipo job. Either way, this new bod of hers sure does suit her skanky ways. I actually like the fact like she's dressin in theme.

Tackled By The Red Devil at 1:35 PM,
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Scarlett Johansson's Cleavage Host Saturday Night Live